Life After Marraige

40 is the new 18  Actually, it's closer to the new 20.  I know, that sounds like a vain 40 something trying to relive her youth.  It isn't.  When I say that 40 is the new 20, I speaking about the reality of women like me.  Many of us, who married in our early 20's are divorcing in our early 40's and having to deal with starting over.  We never prepared ourselves for this.  When I got married at 20, I took for granted that we would last forever.  My parents are celebrating their 50th Anniversary this year.  I had no reason to think that my husband and I would not last as long.  Surprise!!

Mark and I married when I was 20 and he was 23.  Everyone told me that it wouldn't last and they were wrong.  It did last.  It lasted 20 years.  20 years is a long time.  Not the lifetime that I expected, but it was a long time.  I like to say that we had 15 great years and 5 horrific years.  No one cheated.  No one killed anyone.  It was nothing that dramatic.  After 20 years working at the same place, I got laid off when my department closed down.  Unemployment left me $750 dollars short each month and when unemployment ran out, I was down $4000.00 a month.  Couldn't make the mortgage and the house went into foreclosure.  We filed bankruptcy to save the house in the 11th hour, just to give us time to move out, but the damage had already been done.  We had never had to deal with the "poorer" part of our vows.  The fights happened and after too many fights, we had to be done. Some words can't be taken back.  So he left and I took the kids and moved back in with my parents.  This is where my story begins.

We split when I was 40.  For the first 5 years, I was mom and that's all.  Cyndi still had not come to the surface.  I went from daughter to wife to wife and mom to just mom.  I was having a serious identity crisis.  My ex was dating and having girl friends and having some fun in his life.  Yeah, I'm jealous.  No, I do not want him back.  We are friends and I like it that way.  But I've spent my entire life living for everyone else and I've never lived for me.  Now, I am single and I am ready.

So, I'm 20 again.  I don't look like a 20 year old, but I think I'm still cute enough.  I'm ready to date and to get to know Cyndi again. 

This is the beginning.  I am a 20 something 40 something and I'm ready.  Look out world.