Oh, I quit smoking.  It was purely financial.  Something that I had lived with and loved for the better part of my life is now done.  Losing cigarettes is more difficult than losing my marriage.  How sick is that?

*sigh*  First day of school.  It's not that I get teary about my kids going to school anymore.  I get teary to think that it's almost over.  They are going to be adults soon.  Did I raise them right?  Did I supply them with the proper knowledge to get them through life?  Do they have the street smarts to get through college and beyond?  Gods I hope so.

RIP Robin Williams

I am still reeling over the tragic death of Robin Williams.  I have adored the work of this man since I was a child watching "Mork and Mindy."  Although he never tried to hide his addictions and depression, I, like many of us, believed he had won the fight against his inner demons.  I guess that just goes to show that we never know how much a person is carrying.


I hope Robin Williams has found the peace in death that he couldn't find in life.

I was reading an article about breast feeding.  A woman was nursing her child at a school during a free food giveaway and the principal wrote her a letter telling her to be more discreet.  The comments became more of a grammar issue.  I laughed my ass off when a person complaining about the grammar used you're when they should have used your.

The bottom line should have been that boobs are not sexual organs. They were invented to feed babies, period.  Still not sure why men have nipples.  But as a society we should stop thinking of boobs as sex and if we are not teaching out kids that it's wrong, it's not wrong.  If your child sees a woman nursing and your kid asks you simply say she's feeding the baby.  The parent is the one who has a problem

I just ordered a book of checks.  Yes, I am going back to writing checks, complete with check register.  When I was writing checks I was happy.  There was nothing I couldn't do when I was writing checks.  I still had my dreams in front of me when I was writing checks. 

Hope my checks get here soon.

Life After Marraige

40 is the new 18  Actually, it's closer to the new 20.  I know, that sounds like a vain 40 something trying to relive her youth.  It isn't.  When I say that 40 is the new 20, I speaking about the reality of women like me.  Many of us, who married in our early 20's are divorcing in our early 40's and having to deal with starting over.  We never prepared ourselves for this.  When I got married at 20, I took for granted that we would last forever.  My parents are celebrating their 50th Anniversary this year.  I had no reason to think that my husband and I would not last as long.  Surprise!!

Mark and I married when I was 20 and he was 23.  Everyone told me that it wouldn't last and they were wrong.  It did last.  It lasted 20 years.  20 years is a long time.  Not the lifetime that I expected, but it was a long time.  I like to say that we had 15 great years and 5 horrific years.  No one cheated.  No one killed anyone.  It was nothing that dramatic.  After 20 years working at the same place, I got laid off when my department closed down.  Unemployment left me $750 dollars short each month and when unemployment ran out, I was down $4000.00 a month.  Couldn't make the mortgage and the house went into foreclosure.  We filed bankruptcy to save the house in the 11th hour, just to give us time to move out, but the damage had already been done.  We had never had to deal with the "poorer" part of our vows.  The fights happened and after too many fights, we had to be done. Some words can't be taken back.  So he left and I took the kids and moved back in with my parents.  This is where my story begins.

We split when I was 40.  For the first 5 years, I was mom and that's all.  Cyndi still had not come to the surface.  I went from daughter to wife to wife and mom to just mom.  I was having a serious identity crisis.  My ex was dating and having girl friends and having some fun in his life.  Yeah, I'm jealous.  No, I do not want him back.  We are friends and I like it that way.  But I've spent my entire life living for everyone else and I've never lived for me.  Now, I am single and I am ready.

So, I'm 20 again.  I don't look like a 20 year old, but I think I'm still cute enough.  I'm ready to date and to get to know Cyndi again. 

This is the beginning.  I am a 20 something 40 something and I'm ready.  Look out world.